And just like a flood the rain comes pouring down. I set hear as the flood of emotions take over why and what caused me to be here today. What was the triggered? The feeling of being friendless and walking alone is easier some days and incredibly hard on others. Today is one of theContinue reading “The weight”
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Will I ever smile again.
I want to go back to that happy place when I felt people loved me and I smiled all the time and it felt safe to be around people. Now I feel afraid to be around people I feel afraid to smile I feel trapped in my body. I can see the old me butContinue reading “Will I ever smile again.”
For months Dr. H has been saying write just write what you are feeling. Somedays I would most days I wouldn’t. But for the past few weeks I’ve noticed how things I’ve done on my job for years without any thought at all I’ve really had to think about how to complete them,yes things have been off but I didn’t think that to bad they must have really been off. which it really hit me like a tone of brick yesterday when I thought I was ok and making it I really wasn’t. I was just going through the motions but what bought me to tears was truly God kept me when I didn’t realize I needed to be kept. I’m traveling in uncharted waters I’m ok saying I have days that I struggle to be ok and fight to be my old self. I want to smile again without having to think about it I just want joy deep down in my heart again. I know it’s a daily fight but the key is keep fighting and I don’t have to fight alone and for that God I grateful.
Will it ever not feel this way!
Will I recognize it.
Will I recognize what it feels like to wake up not overwhelmed in the morning? That I’m no longer telling myself every morning girl no time for tears nor feeling the weight on my chest! Get up and move and move.
“How”
How do I make them see my loss because I am lost? What does that mean today? I really can’t give it a answer but diving deep into it to figure it out I’m searching. Dr. H
It’s hard
That’s just about all I can say right now! Today has been rough but pushing because there is nothing else I can do!
God is awesome!
Truly didn’t get the entire concept of being in Gods way until now! I’ve stood in my own way for the past 18 months or so with people around me thinking that I was making it, but all along I was faking it. Praying from a place of brokenness. I had been the rock forContinue reading “God is awesome!”
Big deal!
I actually posted a picture today. It took me a day to post them I did post them! Dr. H thanks!
Still moving!
Since my last post still continuing to move some days faster than others. The normal things I’ve done for so long takes a real effort to make the simple deeds come true. One of my favorite things to do is take pictures something I just can’t bring myself to do but I’m working on itContinue reading “Still moving!”
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